Monday, February 3, 2014
Interview with Nicolaitanes Balac
Character: But of course, my name is Nicolaitanes Ignatius Balac. [He flashes a smile.]
Me: Please tell us a little about yourself.
Character: Well, I was born and raised in Rome, Italy. I am a direct descendent of Roman Emperor Nero Germanicus. I am currently the President of Italy.
Me: Very impressive, Nicolaitanes. May I call you Nicolai for short?
Character: I suppose. [He fidgets in his seat before crossing his legs.]
Me: Thank you, Nicolai. Where you always in politics before becoming President?
Character: No, I actually own and run an architectural design company. We design everything from custom homes to extravagant office buildings.
Me: That’s interesting. So how did you get from architecture to politics?
Character: I have always been interested in the political field. So when I was offered the position of President I was honored.
Me: Offered the position of President. Don’t you mean that you killed the previous President so that you could become President? [Wipes the little beads of sweat off of my forehead. All of the little hairs on the back of my neck rise up.]
Character: [He laughs maniacally.] You should really be careful of saying such things. [He leans in towards me menacingly.] Besides, if I am capable of such atrocities who’s to say that you will get out of here alive. Hmmm.[He sits back in his chair and glances down at his watch.] But I will allow you to live as you amuse me. [He’s quiet for several minutes.] Yes, I killed President Adamo Ricci. The man was pathetic.
Me: But wasn’t he your friend?
Character: [He snickers.] I wouldn’t exactly say that we were friends, more like acquaintances. He outlived his usefulness.
Me: Wow, if you treat your friends like that I would hate to see what you do to your enemies. [The room is deathly quiet for a moment. I look to see how far the nearest exit is just in case I need it.]
Me: Well, let’s move on. [I take a deep breath and slowly let it out.] So why did you want to become President? Did President Adamo Ricci not do a good enough job?
Character: Honestly, he did a wonderful job with Italy. The only thing is that he didn’t have a big enough vision of what all he could do to help the people of Italy. I on the other hand, have great plans in store for Italy.
Me: Really. Can you elaborate?
Character: Well, I could tell you but then I would have to kill you. [He laughs.] Relax, I’m just kidding around. I don’t intend on remaining President long, I have much bigger plans in store. I’m going to not only save Italy but I am going to save the entire world.
Me: You’re going to save the entire world? From what exactly?
Character: From complete and utter destruction. We are at war you know. You silly humans are going to destroy each other and the earth if I don’t intervene.
Me: [I lean forward in my seat confused.] Wait a minute, what do you mean you silly humans? Aren’t you also a man?
Character: [He grins from ear to ear.] Oh, I’m sorry. It was a simple slip of the tongue. I mustn’t get ahead of myself. Forget I said anything.
Me: [I look at him strangely but keep my thoughts to myself.] You are already so successful in life, Nicolai. What more could you possibly want?
Character: Why to be ruler of the entire world of course. Who wouldn’t want to be? Imagine the possibilities. If I were in control of the entire world, we would not be in the predicament that we are in currently.
Me: [rolls eyes] Another lunatic trying to take over the world.
Character: Pardon me? What did you just say? [He looks at me with pure hatred emanating from his eyes.] [I start to get up and ease towards the door. Perhaps I should not have said that last thing out loud.]
Me: [My heart is pounding now and I’m trying to calm my nerves while I walk a little closer to the door.] I have one last question for you Nicolai. What are your views on God and how does He fit in with your daily tasks as President?
Character: [He growls at me with a vengeance I’ve never before seen from anyone; almost beast-like.] God? I don’t consult with Him. [He’s talking to me now through gritted teeth. He’s quite upset now.] I’m sorry, but I think this interview is over! [He gets up and storms towards the door. He stops just before the door and turns back towards me.] Are you one of the meddlesome Christians?
Me: I wouldn’t say that I was meddlesome, but yes I am a Christian.
Character: Well, good luck with that in the upcoming months. There are things that you are going to have to endure that you haven’t even begun to dream of. [He says threateningly.]
Me: I’m sorry Nicolai, but are you threatening me? [I calmly reach for my cell phone.]
Character: No, it’s a promise! [He turns and walks out the room slamming the door behind him.]
Me: Okay, I’m a little nervous now. There is more to Nicolai than meets the eye. Just who is Nicolai really?